Pero like.....

It's been a few weeks since I've posted something. Why?

I liked that the little girl was brown. Hahaha! Well, my first class is almost over. It's been.... crazy! I'm happy to be back in school but I had forgotten how much I delve into my studies. It's a little obsessive. I feel sorry for the Hubs! The house is a mess and I literally have to set alarms to eat. A little much? I think so. I'm still trying to balance my life.

My intro to Ed class starts on Tuesday. I'm happy to get the ball rolling but it's going to be a loooong 2 years! :) Should be fun!

I've actually been cooking a lot more. It is one of my stress relievers. I've forgotten how much I love cooking and how happy it makes me to eat pretty food! One night I made steaks with sauteed mushrooms and roasted brussell sprouts. Another night it was salmon with roasted parmesan asparagus. Who eats better when they're in school? Haha!

The Hubs is turning the big 3-0 on Monday! He's freaking out a bit. It's weird. I remember when I was younger and thought about turning thiry. It felt so old. Now, it's 2 years away for me and I don't feel it.

Well, I have a huge paper due Monday and want to spend some time with the Hubs when he gets back from drill. Have a wonderful day!

“Mini Cabbages”

Where have brussel sprouts been all my life?? Have you eaten them lately? Oh my goodness. I used to think they were little balls of despair. Maybe my adult palate has matured. I don’t know but they….are….amazing!!



                                       



Kevin was the first one to suggest them. But only the fresh ones, frozen are gross. I jumped on it because he HATES vegetables. It’s always a fight. Well, He wanted them steamed with a little lemon juice. I still thought they looked/smelled weird so I opted out. He kind of forgot about them and they got lost in the vegetable bin abyss. I’d seen them there and thought it would be time to throw them out. However, these little guys were still going strong. When I saw the nutritionist, she said it was important for me to eat my vegetables and as they were the only ones in the house, I nervously pulled them out of the fridge. The fresh ones look cuter, so maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad. I fried them in a teeny bit Herbs de Provence flavored oil and seasoned them with some Peri-Peri. (It’s a grinder mix that we found. It’s fabulous but sadly only sold in South Africa. Thank goodness for the internet!) After they browned a bit, I added some lemon juice. It was heaven! Oh my gosh, they were seriously amazing! I never remember to take pictures of things but they looked pretty much like this picture I stole from Google. Try 'em out... they're delish!

Offended...

*Warning* This post may or may not be filled with word-vomit.

What I'm about to say may offend some people...of that, I am sorry. I've had some stuff on my mind which I wanted to share. I am so grateful for people who have been open and honest on their blogs and who have helped me see things in a different light.
Ya dum-dum!
We all go through different trials in life. Sometimes we may look at someone who is confiding in us and have that thought creep up, "Um...that's really not that bad, friend..." However, what may be difficult for one person may not be difficult for another. And because we may not understand why someone is having a hard time, we may say dumb things.
May I share some of my favorites:
"When are you going to have kids?" (Harmless enough, right?)
"Are you pregnant yet?" (Ok, hold your horses)
"You've gained weight, are you pregnant?" (Can I punch you in the face?)
Probably my ultimate favorite:
"When are you going to quit being selfish and have babies?" (Smile, nod, and run away)
I can't say how many times I've heard things like this and, especially during my low points, it tore me up inside. I couldn't believe how insensitive and nosy people were. I hated going out. I hated people. I was angry with myself, angry with people, angry with God. But what does that do to you? It breaks you down. As I've gotten come to terms with what has been dealt to me, I've come to realize that people aren't out to get me and sometimes people with good intentions say dumb things. Is that their fault? No. But I also have a right to feel and express my feelings.
To be or not to be...
I have this amazing friend, one of my best, who found out she was pregnant....and with twins. She was worried about telling me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. We talked about it the other day and I was amazed by how loving and sensitive she was about my situation. I felt bad that she didn't feel like she could shout it from the mountain tops. It's not her fault I can't have kids. However, it really did mean a lot that she wanted to make sure I was ok. I was grateful that we could be honest with each other, that I could tell her that it was hard to hear at first, and that she didn't get upset with me for expressing my feelings. I am so excited for her! She is an amazing mother with the cute little girl she has now. These twins are so lucky to have her and I'm so excited to be able to have new babies close that I can hold :)
In talking with her and thinking about it since, it has helped me understand the difference between being offeneded and feeling emotion. Someone who can't have children can chose to be offended when someone who is pregnant complains about pregnancy syptoms. They can go off on how insensitive that person is or how "I would give anything to have morning sickness". They can choose to be bitter and turn their nose at every baby bump. Or, you can give yourself the right to feel sad and then let it go. I recently found out my nephew's wife is pregnant. Did it suck? Yes. I bawled like a baby. Not only did I feel old but I am going to become a great-aunt before I get to be a mother. But I chose to let go, to get it out of my system and be done with it. Can I tell you something? It was so refreshing. I didn't let the anger stay and destroy me.
I guess what I wanted to say with all this is,
1. Let yourself feel. You have that right. Give yourself a moment but don't let it consume you. Life will suck and it will bring you and others around you down.
2. People say dumb things. Most of the time, it's not meant to be rude.
3. It's ok to be honest. Maybe that person has no idea that what they said can be hurtful. Talk about things and listen. It's ok to cry. That doesn't make you a weak person. Be honest with yourself and your emotions.
3. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Things happen for a reason, I truly believe that. Don't wait to be happy. Be happy now. If you can't do it by yourself, ask for help. That's what family, church leaders, friends, doctors, counselors and the Lord are for. It's ok to not have all the answers.

On that note, happy Sabbath!!

January-Health

Those of you who really know me know I’m kind of a goofball. I think that’s why I enjoy working at a Junior High. Well, here’s a random fact about me. I always have to have a plan. Pretty much, I can’t function without a plan. If I don’t have a schedule or routine for the day, I don’t accomplish anything. I need a month plan, year plan, a 5-year plan and so on. However, I LOVE an adventure. My favorite thing to do is visit the unknown. When I was in France, my absolute favorite past-time was to take the metro, get off at a random stop, and just wander. It became my new passion. I love discovering new, unfamiliar places. With that said, I’m so excited for a new year. It’s like a clean slate, a fresh start! I’m excited for what adventures this year will hold and new things to discover. However, I need to have something to work toward or else I don’t think I will fully be able to take advantage of this new year.

This past year was…hard. There were some awesome things that happened. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary! Yahoo! We bought our first home and I have loved making it our own. We had our first little garden and it was a little intense. Haha! We had the blessing of going to Guatemala in December. It was wonderful to see friends and family. I had always wanted to show Kevin the places where I’d served my mission and was so happy that he loved it, too. We were able to go to the Xela temple dedication and even do a session. It was beautiful.

I’ve been really frustrated with the symptoms of PCOS. I’ve been researching and trying different diets, supplements, and medications but nothing has really been able to help as I have hoped. I get so frustrated about the migraines, nausea, dizziness and weight gain that I haven’t been the best person to live with. My poor husband is a real trooper!

I’ve decided that this year needs to be the year for change. We’ve decided against fertility treatments and/or adoption until I get my symptoms more under control. I want to be as healthy as I can before we bring a little one into our home. With that said, we’ve decided to make monthly goals as individuals and as a couple. I’ve decided that January is the month for health. I’ve gone to see a nutritionist who has given me an eating and exercise plan. She was really great. I’m grateful that she made me see weight-loss in a different light. She said that because it’s so difficult to loose weight with PCOS, I may never reach my goal weight. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t be healthier. She wanted me to disassociate my success with weight –loss but instead find success in reaching goals and becoming healthier. It’s frustrating to hear and yes, tears were shed, but it’s a start. The goals aren’t overwhelming but they are challenging. I’m excited to get the ball rolling and get better this year. If anyone has advice on how they’ve dealt with PCOS, it would be greatly appreciated!

Life is for learning...

          I never realized how many people deal with infertility. I'm no rocket scientist but I don't really consider myself a complete idiot, either. However, I kind of thought having a baby would kind of be a piece of cake. Not because I'm better than anyone else but the joke was always, "I'm brown, I'll probably have babies like rabbits!" After getting sick and doing more research on PCOS and infertility, I've learned that there are many, many couples struggling with infertility. After I'd passed thru many phases of denial and anger, I've come to truly appreciate those who have been so open with their pain and struggle. It's a comfort that there are people out there who really know what I am feeling and share ways to cope. As much as people try to be sensitive and give words of "comfort", it's not the same. Not that I don't appreciate people trying to be sensitive, because I do, it's just different. I've come a long way, I feel. I hated being angry all the time: angry with myself, angry with God, angry with couples who got pregnant so quickly, angry with everyone. The anger was easier to deal with the pain. The pain of feeling inadequate, of feeling like I couldn't fulfill my role as a woman, the pain of feeling like I was letting my husband and family down. I feel very blessed that I've had so many people to lean on. It's getting better... I'm getting better. I still get upset with myself that I can't just be completely happy for those who get pregnant and share their joy. I hate that there is still a sting. But, life is for learning. I'm now grateful for that which I have learned in this journey. I can't say that I always have been or looked at it as a "learning experience", but I'm still learning. I have a long way to go.
          I found this on a blog of a couple who is also struggling with infertility. I haven't reached this point yet, of feeling this way, but I really hope that as we continue on until that day when we will somehow have a little one bless our home, it's great motivation to have "joy in the journey".

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."

-unknown

It's almost turkey day!!

I can’t believe how fast time is flying! I’d like to press pause for a bit, just to catch my breath.


I’m super excited for my family who is living it up in Guatemala! My parents, two brothers and their families flew down for the Quetzaltenango, Guatemala temple open house. I’ve been messaging my brother back and forth (Oh the joys of technology!) and he told me there were over 15,000 people who visited the temple in one day! How awesome is that? I’m kind of jealous that they are all together having fun but am so grateful and excited to go with my other half. I’ve wanted to take Kevin down to Guate to see the places that I fell in love with. It’s our first trip out of the country together and definitely not the last.

I’ve really been trying to reduce my stress lately. The more I’ve read about it, the more I see how stress is and has affected my health. One thing that has helped me out is to write a list of goals for the month, week and day. It may sound like a lot but I’ve noticed that when I take a few minutes each day to plan, things go a lot smoother and I actually have more time to do the things I want/need to do. We’ve been taking time each family night to make plans for the week.

Another thing that has helped to relieve some stress is our new “command” station. I’ve put up a calendar and some white boards on our pantry door. The calendar has all of the events for the week/month. We have a white board for our weekly menu (which I still need to catch up on) and one for each of us. I need down time after work so I don’t do any house work until after my 45 min of down time. Kevin likes to come in and just list things off for me to do. He does that so he won’t forget and I just get frustrated. Now, if he needs me to do something, he writes it down on the white board. And as for his white board, I write what I need him to do. I can’t touch his jobs once they are on the white board. He has all week to finish them and then has un-interrupted game time on Saturday. It may seem complicated but really, it does relieve a lot of stress from me.

How do you do to relieve stress?

Some Yummies and an Update

It’s been a while, I know, but life hasn’t been too exciting. Life has been great, yes, but nothing much to report.

I’ve been trying to get my health issues under control. I was on Metformin to regulate my blood sugar but wanted to see if I could control it naturally. I’ve been trying to cut out sugar and am grateful that I get migraines if I eat too much. I’m not grateful for the pain but that my body is telling me what it can take and what it can’t. I’ve been feeling off so I’m back on a smaller dose of Metformin. I’ve been trying to eat healthier and even thou this blasted weight doesn’t want to come off, I feel better and have less “low’s”. I wanted to share two yummies that I’ve made recently.

Turkey Wrap

-Turkey tenderloin strips

-Taco seasoning

-Low carb, whole-wheat tortilla

-Ripe Avocado

-Lemon pepper

Cut turkey into bite-size pieces, cook with taco seasoning. While it’s cooking, smash up an avocado and season with lemon pepper. Spread a hearty amount on tortilla and enjoy!

Choc-Banana Ice Cream

-Frozen Banana(I bought a whole bunch of bananas, cut them up , put them in a freezer bag and threw them in the freezer)

-Almond Milk (I used vanilla flavored, unsweetened almond milk. I’ve cut dairy milk out because of the sugars)

-A handful of sugar-free chocolate chips (they’re kind of hard to find. Wal-Mart has them sometimes and I usually stock up when they do)

Throw everything into the blender, pulse and enjoy!

As some of you may know, they will be dedicating the Quetzaltenango, Guatemala temple in December. My awesome sister-in-law, who works for Delta, has given us some of her buddy passes to fly down to see the temple! Sweet!! I’m super OCD about random things, traveling being one of them, and found out about a month ago that I needed to reapply for a passport because my name changed…say what?? I was lucky to get a new on in less than two weeks but that was after paying an arm and a leg to make sure it was expedited. Oh geez! We were going to spend Christmas in Guatemala because there is nothing like a Latin Christmas! However, because we are flying stand-by, the planes are filling up and it doesn’t look good. Instead, we’ve decided to go for the actual dedication on Dec. 11. I’m really excited!! It’s been three whole years since I have visited Guate and am so happy to show my other half the people and places I feel in love with.

I can’t believe it’s November, the month of gratitude. We really should be grateful all year ‘round but I’m truly grateful for these two months of holidays and a greater sense of gratitude and giving. Yes, life is hard sometimes. But it’s when we look at the good that we’ve been giving and all that we’ve learned thru the difficult times, it makes life a little sweeter J